Fear has always been a fiend lurking in the shadows of my life.
I woke up in a fright, my left arm completely numb and lifeless. My heart pounded as I frantically flopped my arm back and forth, attempting to bring back feeling. Nothing. Fearful thoughts raced through my mind, leaving the conclusion that one of these times my arm or leg may remain dead.
How could God allow this to happen again and again? Does he not care? Dare I go back to sleep? On and on my mind reeled. Finally, I started to have a tingling sensation return, but the rest of the night left my body with feelings of electricity coursing through my veins.
These episodes have continued for nearly two years now. Each one is a battle, and yet I am learning to stand in the midst of fear. I am experiencing that he who is in me, truly IS greater than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4). As a child of the Father, I am guarded and protected from the evil one (2 Thessalonians 3:3). Circumstances may feel otherwise, but that is the truth.
Fear, oh is he a liar! Whispering, sometimes shouting lies into the stories of our lives. Satan is the father of lies, who speaks lies to us with great proficiency. He uses anything in our lives to provoke us to fear. The root of fear can burrow deep, reaching to the very core of our beings. If we are not careful it can become a part of who we are. It often creeps in when we are children. Such was my experience. In the vulnerability of a child’s mind, a root of fear sought me out…
I lay next to my sister in my grandparents guest bed. A book clutched tightly in my hand. My heart is pounding as my sister and I count our breaths, comparing the numbers. Mine are less, so I assume I’m dying. At least the book says so. My grandpa has cancer and is close to death. We found a book describing stages of death next to the bed and decided to assess ourselves. One of the signs of impending death is a decrease in the number of breaths per minute. The familiar feeling of fear grips my insides, I feel as though time is standing still. I’m only 10 years old, but I know what fear is.
So, what is the antidote to fear? “Perfect love casts out fear” is what 1 John 4:18 tells us. As a child, fears would often come upon me, in one form or another. Many nights I remember my mom sitting on my bedside, reciting 1 John 4:18, using hand motions to emphasize the casting out of fear. There was something powerful in the completeness of God’s love that drove the fear out of my heart in those moments.
But fear is persistent, preying upon its victims, awaiting anther moment of weakness. There is a reason “Do not fear” is the most repeated command in the Bible. More powerful than fear’s pursuit, however, is the relentless love of God.
He continues to speak truth. He continues to bring light into the darkness. His grip is tighter than the bondage of fear. Indeed as children of God, we are no longer slaves to fear. “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7).
WOW I sure didn’t know u were having numb issues.OK Right back in prayer 4 you.HE WILL NEVER LEAVE U.THE MOTHER HEART OF GOD comfort you in His soft Holy purple robe.Rest in His Breast.He can take it 4 you.
Oh Laura, what a faithful prayer warrior you are! SO thankful for your heart of faith.
Dear, dear Karis, you open a window into the mind of a child. What a lesson to us as parents and grandparents to be attentive to what the children around us may be thinking which we would never suspect. I’m so sad for your struggle against fear but so glad for the help of your parents and the Word of God.
I remember when I first discovered the richness of Isaiah 41:10, 13 and how the words of God to me thrilled and strengthened me:
“Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
For I, the LORD your God,
hold your right hand;
it is I who say to you
‘Fear not, I will help you.’ ”
I think those were the first verses I ever made up a tune for, to help me remember them better, and 50+ years later the tune still brings the words easily to mind.
God holds your right hand, dear Karis.
Oh I love those verses Aunt Beth, God’s victorious right hand…
How neat that you make up your own tune to remember the verses. I will have to have you sing them to me next time we talk 🙂
Needed this, this morning ❤️❤️