Season of Change

Transcript source: Whisper (large-v3, cleaned).

Well, welcome to Season of Change, Transforming Your Life Through the Power in the Word of God. I am Jeremiah Joseph. I have my guest here this afternoon. She’s on time there is in the morning. He and I are in the United States of America in Virginia. While we are here afternoon in Nigeria, West Africa. And her name is Carice Mayer. So this afternoon we’ll be discussing on the topic. good versus bad emotion, good versus bad emotion. So Karis, can you just brief, give people brief introduction about yourself? Sure. Yeah. So I, yeah, my name is Karis Meier and I have a husband who is in the military and four children, ages two to 12. So I keep pretty busy with the kids. Um, I have, uh, my under undergraduate is in Christian education. So I taught for a while, but then really had a heart, uh, for counseling. And so went on to get my master’s in counseling, um, did some counseling and for the last, well, probably about five years, I’ve spent a lot of time writing. Um, I have a blog and, um, then the beginning of this year started um putting a lot of what i’ve been writing into a into a book and published a book uh almost a month ago now so oh you said you have a blog what’s the blog your blog name yeah so my blog name so the blog name is called suffering well um and then it’s under so i have a website now it’s my name like karis meyer together karis k-a-r-i-s-m-e-i-e-r.com and that’s where you can find the book and also find my blog wow that’s great that’s great so for how long have you been a writer and a blogger about five years wow that’s a great experience so what are challenges you’ve seen in counseling on what you’re doing well there’s lots of lots of challenges you know I think we live in a world where um there’s there’s a lot of heartache there’s a lot of um and there’s a lot of isolation I think especially with COVID too it even made things worse. And so, um, yeah, I mean, depression, anxiety, um, are probably the main, the main things that people come to me with, but, um, it goes in a long range of things, I think, but, um, yeah, I’ve, I, I, I did practice counseling for a while and then, um, took a little break, uh, focused on my kids and writing. Um, but I just, I have such a heart for people, you know, my, my experience in, um, I’ve had chronic illness for many, many years. Um, it’s been very challenging, but I think it’s really opened up my eyes to, to really see people, um, in their pain and, and want to give them hope, want to give them, you know, comfort that ultimately only God can, can bring and sustain long-term, but sometimes they need somebody to come alongside them. Wow. That’s great. So how, how, how do you come about the topic? How do you come about the good virtue, bad emotions? Yeah, it’s, um, so for me personally, I, I grew up feeling like I shouldn’t express, um, negative emotions. I grew up with parents who are missionaries and, um, in a, in a, in a Christian home, which I’m so thankful for. But I think I had this idea that, um, in order to be a good person, you know, I should only express emotions that were good. And, and, you know you can categorize that as like you know happiness and joy and excitement or you know things like that that are positive versus the negative emotions more like you know feeling angry feeling jealous feeling um self you know self-conscious or feeling embarrassed or you know some of those emotions that we more try to hide and avoid um so i really had a struggle in internally as I struggled with my own illness and got to a point where, um, I couldn’t really hold all of the pain inside. Like I had for many years, I had to learn how to process it. I had to learn how to lament, you know, how to grieve, um, and how to do that with God, you know, cause I I think I, I wanted to, I wanted to be a good Christian and I didn’t want to, um, you know, I thought maybe I’d be letting God down if I had these negative feelings, but it was really through the Psalms that I, I started, um, learning, you know, how to pour out my emotions to God, first of all, and then also let other people in and realize that, you know, God knows our hearts anyways. he knows what we’re struggling with. And so why, why would we try to hide that? You know, so, you know, I think there’s a, there’s a spectrum of, of how we’re raised in our personality. Some people call it like nature and nurture, you know, how you’re raised, how your personality is depending, you know, it really, that really kind of determines how you express your emotions, whether you’re someone who just like, lets everything out, you know, doesn’t have any filters, which some people do. And then there’s some people that just hold everything in, which is also not good, you know? So we need to come to a balance of how do we express emotion in a way that is healthy and that is God honoring. And something that I really, really looked at a lot is in scripture and how we are made in God’s image and God created emotions. God is an emotive God. If you look in the scriptures, there are so many emotions attached. God feels love. He feels hate. He feels jealousy. He feels joy. He feels grief. He feels pity. There’s so many emotions. You know, so we so I think sometimes, especially as Christians, we can say, oh, that those are good emotions and those are bad emotions. You shouldn’t do those. You should do these. And they can become very well. It can really I think it can it can hurt our relationship with God and with other people and our art and ourselves, too. right um when we when we categorize things so black and white wow that was great so how can what will you define as good as good versus as good what good versus good versus yes yeah so oh my goodness there are so many um one of the ones that that i love is um i don’t remember what Psalm, I think it’s Psalm 65, but it says, pour out your hearts to God, you know, and, and that’s one thing that I think God, um, God longs for us to come to him in our pain and in our joy, not just, you know, we, we, we sing and worship and, and praise God. And sometimes it’s sacrifice of thanksgiving but then we also come to him and pour out our lament our grief our pain um and then also the other another psalm that i love is um psalm 46 1 which says god is in our midst a very present help in time of need and i think that is just so beautiful because we can turn to a lot of different things in our people, you know, when we’re feeling these feelings that are very overwhelming, but God is always present and he’s always ready to help us. He’s always ready to comfort us and to lead us, to guide us. And so to just recognize that um you know i’m a i’m a counselor but the holy spirit is the ultimate counselor that we all have with us at all times um to lead and guide us and so um those are a couple verses that i that i like i can’t hear you can you point out some bad emotions some bad emotions um yeah so i say i think i used to call them bad and um you know some people um so a bad emotion i think you know we would say is anger right that um we don’t want to have anger but god like as i shared earlier god god was angry i mean jesus was angry with with the people in the temple when they were selling things and he overturned the tables right and so that was a righteous anger and um and that’s so it’s not so the emotion itself is not bad it’s it’s what do we what do we do with that emotion you know do we do we hurt other people with that emotion or do we um learn how to express it in a way that is um that is healthy and that can be, um, turned around, right? Cause I don’t think, um, feeling anger is bad, but if we don’t deal with it, then it can erupt and it can hurt other people and it can hurt ourselves. Um, another one I think would be jealousy, you know, when we feel jealous of other people or jealous of things that we don’t have um i think that we should generally just try to push that away um and and we see too like that’s another circumstance where god god is a jealous god he wants all of our love he wants all of our affection um so jealousy itself is not a bad thing um you know we can we can be jealous for our spouse’s love or whatever but you know again it’s it’s what do we do with that jealousy? Um, if sometimes if it’s a, if it’s a jealousy that turns into sin, we need to confess it to God. You know, we need to, when you confess our sin to him or to someone else, I think a lot of times we are held power. We are held captive by the power of these emotions because we don’t acknowledge them and we don’t expose them for what they are. And then they, they continue to grow and they can grow into a negative way and into sin if we don’t if we don’t expose them if we don’t open up ourselves to God and to other people so yeah I think that’s that’s a few examples does that make sense you just make mention too what about hatred hatred what about malice what’s the last one you said hatred and what malice malice malice yeah so talked about that hatred malice you know the bible emphasize more on malice yeah so i think um you know i think there definitely are emotions like like hatred right So if you, if you look at hatred, um, we’re not supposed to hate any person or, um, and having malice towards someone, if you’re talking about a person, I don’t think that’s, I think, I don’t think that’s ever, um, a good thing because God tells us to love our enemies. And, um, so even if somebody does something towards you that you feel the right to, to, to hate them or to express, um, express hatred towards them. Um, Jesus taught very differently than, than that. And so, um, I think it’s, you know, we, we are supposed to hate sin, right? So, so hate sin, hate, hate the, the evil that is, you know, coming from that person or that is, um, in the world because we live in a fallen world. So there’s, there’s going to be, Um, I think sometimes when I see some of the horrific things that happen in our world, um, it does stir up a very, uh, I don’t know, a very strong hatred, I guess you would say towards, towards evil, towards sin, towards the things that can happen because, um, we live in a fallen world. And I don’t, I don’t think that in itself is, is bad. I think God also hates, hates sin. He hates, you know, he, he can’t, he’s, he’s separated from it so that he’s holy. He’s a part. Um, but, but feeling that towards a person, um, I don’t think that’s, that’s either, I don’t think that’s healthy for ourselves. Um, and neither is it something that God calls us to do as Christians. Okay. If I want, I want to ask you another question how can we overcome bad emotions overcome yeah yeah oh we can’t overcome we can’t overcome them can we overcome them so i don’t i don’t know about overcoming i think we’re always going because we because we are created to have let me say this how can we manage bad emotion manage Yeah, I think manage is a better is a is a better word, because I think we’re always going to be living in emotions. And emotions are very fickle, right? They come and they go. We don’t we don’t want to be ruled by them. And so I think what you’re Yeah, so we have a lot of there’s so much truth. I think one of the main things is to find scripture, find truth in God’s word about whatever emotion it is. I mean, there are so many different types of emotions that we can feel with different circumstances. And so, but the Bible is full of truth and promises that we can stand on. And I think a lot of times people try to just ignore the emotion, but it’s not going to go away. You have to replace it with something that is good. You have to replace it with something that is positive, that is true, and that you can set your mind on instead of just trying to ignore, you know, the positive or the negative things. So I think that’s one thing is, is finding, finding truth. And then also finding ways, because we’re all different, and we all process emotions differently. Some people talk them out, some people write for me, I’m a very much of a, like, I process much better through writing. And so maybe that’s, you know, for some people writing might be a better tool, um, exercise or, or there’s, there’s physical things you can do to, um, our bodies, you know, our bodies, our spirits, our souls are very connected. And so how we, how we process things can be very different, but finding something that can let out, can, can express that emotion in a way that is not harmful, but, but also is beneficial, I think. And like I said, I think it’s gonna be different for different people. And there’s a lot of different tools to do it, but finding what, what works for you. okay thank you very much you know you’ve mentioned how we can manage a bad emotions is there any way we can develop good emotions yes i so i will give the example of joy i think um it’s not sometimes you know our happiness can be dependent on our circumstances. And for me personally, because of some of the things I’ve gone through, I have found it hard to experience joy, to experience gratitude. And part of what I’ve learned is that something that you can practice and you can grow into. So even if you don’t feel maybe like singing or rejoicing, do it anyway. And sometimes the emotions do follow. If you’re not feeling thankful, something we practice with our kids on a daily basis is, you know, expressing thanksgiving. What are you thankful for? And it’s amazing how there’s been a lot of studies done on actually on the topic of of gratitude. But, um, one of the things is, is they’ve done, um, studies on the brain and when you are expressing gratitude and Thanksgiving, you cannot be experiencing anxiety at the same time. So, so I think that’s just beautiful, right? Cause then you’re focusing so much on what you’re thankful for and what you, what you are, are, you know, what is good in your life that, that all the things that you’re anxious about and that are filling you with, um, anxiety and, and feeling nervous, those things will go away. Um, so I think, yes, I think there’s definitely things that we, we can be doing, we can be practicing. Um, and yeah, yeah. So another one that just came to mind is the, you know, feeling jealous for someone from, you know, jealous about something. And, and instead of feeling that way, you could, you could compliment that person. And it really is amazing how, how, when we speak the, when the things that we’re thinking about, the things we’re speaking will change how we feel. So if you keep thinking those negative things, your body is going to follow. But if you start speaking, you know, grace and love in truth um you know and thanksgiving all these things then our emotions will follow so i think there’s those things that can trigger bad emotions what are the things that can trigger yes bad emotions well i think there’s a lot of different things um and it may be different for different people, because I think a lot of it is tied to past events in our lives. So specific things that are unique to each of our stories, to our past, to what we’ve experienced. So if there’s things that a person may have experienced over and over again, maybe someone making fun of them. Um, they’re going to be a lot more, um, sensitive to certain things that some other people may not be. And so I think a lot of it is, is personal and, and it takes work. I think it takes work to, to process, you know, like, why am I feeling this way? You know, is there, is there truth to, to why I’m feeling this way. You know, is there, um, what is it that triggered me? What, what am I really feeling? Cause, um, there’s, there’s a lot of, um, research that has been done to on, on, on root emotions. And one of the, one of the main root emotions is fear. So a lot of people express anger and feel anger, but if you go, if you dig deep enough, It’s actually tied to a fear of something, you know. So I think that’s a really good question about the triggers because it can be complicated. We’re complicated, you know, we’re made beautifully, uniquely, but also very, very complicated. And it’s not always as it seems, I think. i think there’s a lot of different things that could be those triggers that we need to spend time and some effort trying to work through yeah so lastly on my questions so what danger do you think bad emotions can cause into one’s life what are the dangers of bad emotion if one is not managing it or controlling it well i think um i think there’s a lot of i would just start with physically um when we don’t when we don’t deal with emotions um they will actually physically harm your body there this there’s done there’s also been a lot of research done on this topic and i mean you can find this everywhere but you know there’s specific um diseases tied with certain emotions you know whether it be jealousy or anger or anxiety um and so that so if you don’t deal with these emotions you can actually physically become ill and even die you know heart attacks diabetes stroke a lot of these diseases come because people are not managing their emotions. Um, and another thing is relationships. Um, there, I think because we don’t like conflict, we don’t address, um, feelings, uh, in a, in a relationship, whether it be a marriage or, um, you know, friendships, um, or, or within families. And these, these feelings, especially the negative ones, can grow. Bitterness is a good example. You can keep growing more and more bitter towards this person while outwardly you’re not addressing these things, and that can be very damaging. It can ruin relationships. And then lastly, I would just say You know, the, um, you know, roots, strongholds can develop roots of sin and strongholds that are very hard to break, um, because we allow certain emotions to continue to grow. And especially when it’s related to, you know, a cycle, um, or a sin or something that is hidden within us that we don’t um that we don’t expose and that that can be damaging that can be damaging toward our relationship with god and even how we relate to ourselves right because we’re we’re ashamed we’re embarrassed and um it can be just a spiral that can can go downward until it seems like um we’ll never get out of it which which can be just you know very very depressing um so yeah i think there’s there’s a lot of different it’s very important yeah so just give us two benefits around the dog of benefits yes of having good developing good emotions i would well one of the biggest ones i think is the you know we all have an impression that we have on others when we walk into a room right like some people just radiate joy and love and peace and you can just feel it in their presence and then there’s other people where you can just feel like oh like you know they’re they’re angry they’re they’re bitter they’re mad they’re and so our very presence can can either bring can bring can uplift other people or we can bring other people down and I think you know we don’t realize the effect that we have on other people a lot even without saying anything you know it can be just in our demeanor in our how we how we walk how we look our mannerisms and so I think one of the benefits is just what we’re spreading to the world what we’re spreading to other people um and then and then the other one is i think just a personal a personal benefit because we have choices every every minute we can choose you know what am i gonna be focusing on right now you know what am i gonna be um choosing to do because every moment i think we live is a gift and we can either choose to, to make the most of it and to live it fully, or we can waste it. And if we’re focusing on like self-pity, like, oh, poor me, all this horrible things happened to me. And you know, that’s what, what good is that doing you or anyone else? So there’s just, there’s just a lot more, you can just get a lot more out of life when you are, when you’re focused on trying to live it in a way that is full of full of goodness and um and blessing wow thank you so much carish we really appreciate your time being on season of change platform i really so much enjoyed your conversations the interview with you and i believe all our audience We enjoy all that you have poured out in order to share on this emotional management. And I pray that God will continue to increase your wisdom. We really appreciate you. So what do you have to say to our audience? How will they get in touch with you, connected to you, your website, your social media handle, if you’re on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram? So can you get in touch? Can you just tell us briefly? Yep. So, um, yeah. So as I mentioned earlier, my, my website is Karis Meier.com. I’ll just spell it again. K A R I S M E I E R.com. And you can see my book on there, my blog. Um, you can get the book on Amazon also. Um, and I’m on Facebook. So it’s Karis Meier author is, is my facebook and then instagram is um caris underscore um ashes to beauty is where it is on instagram and yeah i think that’s it wow that’s great that’s great that’s great that’s a great one so we really appreciate your time on this platform so we’ll be bringing the recording to a stop And we’ll say thank you so much God bless you and keep you